Garrett Murphy

Garrett Murphy lives in Oakland, CA, and has written several chapbooks of poetry and prose, among them None Dare Call it Making Sense in An American Lesson, Call 9-1-1 (and Mister Punch), Up in the Attic As Of Many Years Later, 8 Book, You Can’t Be a Hero in Your Dreams, and I, Eye!. He has recently published his first novella, Yang But Yin: The Legend of Miss Dragonheel.


Check, Please Don’t

Okay, your state ID.
Your driver’s license.
Photo ID.
Vehicle registration.
Birth certificate.
Marriage certificate.
Doctor’s verification.
Power of Attorney.
High School Diploma.
Middle School Diploma.
Elementary School Diploma.
Proof of residential living for the last 20 years.
Military honorable discharge.
Proof of mental competency.

“All this stuff just to obtain a gun?”
“Gun? What gun?
This is the Voter Registration line!
The gun owner’s registration’s
the fast express lane!
The one with fast tracking processing.
No waiting there! Not ever!”


The Adventure of Blackhoodlum, Chapter Umpteen or Whatever… 

Faster than a sideshow speedster!
Mightier than the gorillas of ten zoos!
More fearsome than Jason or Leatherface!
It can only be—
Yes, Blackhoodlum,
Strange intruder from a jungle land
Who lurked into our great land
With intentions to menace all good people
And loaf around to take their hard-earned comforts.
Who can alter the population of your exclusive lands,
Wreck lives, the peace and nerves in one fell swoop,
And even disguised as Trayvon Martin,
Born juvenile delinquent supposedly “going home,”
Is still an invincible, overpowering deadly menace
Deserving to be removed from existence like all the rest,
that is,
according to the Neanderthal “mind” of the rabid George Zimmernan,
would-be duper of any metro or rural newspaper and legal “authority,”
whose delusional storytelling talents
are clearly not fit for the pulpest of fiction
by any great or even marginally good publisher of such fairy tales
in the American or any other way.

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